What constitutes 'making it'? a BMW and bling? a bad attitude and a large amount appearing on your ATM reciept? really? go fuck yourself.
Amazing friends, being safe from harm, doing something you love and doing it well, things that don't require money or connection. That to me is 'making it'.
This week is top of the chart, one of the hardest experienced. Everything in life was almost put in a box to the left. 2 of the most important people in life are struggling and i can't help them. it's like there's sound proof glass between me & them and i can't scream loud enough, or get through to help them. at the tender age of 26, my best friend lays in intensive care in physical pain, screaming cause a tumor is ravaging his brilliant mind and body. My angel of a mother discovers her sore arm and cramped hand writing is parkinsons disease. meanwhile, storms whip our home and making it to work in this headspace and this weather is no easy feat. I can't even get my head around the slight positive that i am the one who is alive and well and this is just part of my journey to be lived through. bullshit. i want to turn the clock back 4 months to a time when we took holidays, rounds at the pub and called each other on lunch breaks during the workday for no particular reason.
i don't normally pray but if it meant my world was a little rosier, i would press my hands together til they snapped.
i've never been one to see a positive in change, clean slates, etc. i don't want this to be a clean slate, i don't want to start again without them.
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