1- this is a vent list

2- i'm bloated to the point where i'm not offended if people ask "how many months are you?"

3- uni scheduling has moved itself around, 2 days before i begin. not to my advantage.

4- i don't have time for anyone else for the next few months and blissfully, i don't care.

5- i'm throwing my phone in the ocean.

6- i've stopped giving a shit about food, weight, skin, and attractiveness. it is what it is. (and it ain't that bad)

7- why is it that when you don't want something, you have it spewing at you from every angle?

8- i need a holiday from myself.

9- alcohol is not the answer

10- i don't pretend to be nice because its a waste of my sweet motherfucking time

Strokes, Aneurysms and Clots

these little adventures of the brain are what will occur if i keep hearing other peoples' shite.

here is a list of people you can talk to other than me because quite simply, I don't give a flying fuck. why would I?

Lifeline: 13 11 14

kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

bye bye now.

Lust for life

How is one supposed to recognise themselves in a shop window reflection if we slow down for a moment as we make our way through such a confusing world? Religion, ritual, social habbits, change and desire. There are a buffet of options and a myriad of rules to accompany them. Cultural zeitgeist pressures, the almighty dollar, star signs and relationships add to the soon to be self-combustion of modern life, so what is the answer? With so many theories on long life, better sex, ways to a fulfilling existence, vitamins, antibiotics, recreational drugs and all that jazz, does anyone notice that we are destined to be the generation of the under-30 burn out? Oprah tells us that salmon, blueberries and a glass of red wine makes for stronger brain power and a happier homosapien, while others ignore the preservation of life in place of living for the moment - how ever you choose to do that. There are locations around the world known as 'blue zones' where the locals live to 105 and still herd goats at 7am sharp. and then there's ibiza. In doing any number of these things, Who are you really keeping your head above water for? no wonder it's hard to keep track of yourself. It comes down to tradition and practice - do what you love, and do it well. 

is that sun burn back there? oh no you're just a redneck..

This is going to be my new t-shirt de jour. They entertain me no end. How fucking stupid can a person be? the world is a small and well mixed cocktail of people from this background and that. "I am, you are, we are australian..." remember that song? or if you prefer Paul Kelly, "from little things big things grow" is another good description of how this country was founded and forged. So excuse me if I consider you a waste of space when the word "gook" escapes your mouth more than once and dripping with malice. Sorry, did i sting your red neck when i slapped the shit out of it? Rainbow family or not, i can't believe the age we live in, and the travel which is available to us yet still the minds of those in our neighbourhood, social circle or family can be so narrow. Xenophobic fears are outdated. It's a race, a belief or simply way of life. Just like you choose to be a complete moron. we all accept that, so have some respect for the rest of us.

More later. Right now I have to prepare the halah bread for our jewish family shabbat meal on friday with my vietnamese relatives. 

"and if you knew this song was about you...

you'd never be quiet again"

Good lyrics. People get on their bandwagon about certain things and if its offensive, irrelevant or just down right annoying, i wonder how they are still breathing. Why hasn't someone tripped them up at the curb of a busy street or accidently given them peanuts if they happen to be anaphylactic? It gets me every time, (maybe i appear as the patient and confiding type) when these types talk shit about my friends TO ME. Why on earth would you shit on someone to their friend? Are you honestly lacking that many brain cells that tact escapes you? Those people are my home, my army, my brothers, my lovers, and we'd do absolutely anything for each other. Struck between chortling out my piggy nose at these statements and wanting to smash their face in and then rub the open wounded face in dog shit, i was bemused and confused at exactly what was going through this persons head. I'm not super territorial and not too much ruffles my feathers - I'm all about letting people live their own lives and making their own mistakes cause its not my business until they obviously need or ask for the help. But fuck you if you talk shit about my friends. They are almost more precious than family and you are no one. you are but a poppyseed in the great big halitosis riddled, gum diseased mouth of society. I'm not big, but i'll royally fuck you up good & proper.

hand written, stamped and posted letters are good too.

Damn, here we go again.

"But everything I'm not, made me everything I am"

'tis the truth for anyone. everyone. there's really not that much to tell other than i have developed quite the acid tongue, sharper than a hunters' blade and sure to spill more blood, a resurgence of my gnarly nicky-no-breath anxiety attacks, probably as a result of more people coming and going from life. It's not forever but when does it stop? It's your turn, and your turn and it'll be my turn soon but i don't want it to change yet, and i don't have any control over it. I'm happy for you, i really am. and when i piss off into the sunset, you'll be there at the airport too. to be perfectly honest though, I am fed up. For as long as i can remember people have been getting on planes without me. i guess this is all part of my story and more than likely i've done things that haven't always left them feeling completely kosher. but there they are, all in the same city together, the last time for a very long time and here I am, writing an anonymous article and eating bbq garlic king prawns with beer on my lonesome. thats how it is and i'm alright with that. I always am. allow me to lose my brain a little, leave my sunglasses in the linen cupboard in the hall for a few days, get a little bit blog-emo. it's far superior to, and economically savvy than paying for a therapist. i just wanna go away for a while and not hear about what people are doing. just for a week. just to regain my lung capacity.

You're on my list...

Lists are good for regaining direction. Lists of things to do, things to buy, people to keep. There are a thousand acquaintances in the world, good for networking, fun for a beer, nice to say hi to. But the ones to keep around for the next 20 years, the ones who you could call anytime of the day for whatever reason and they can do the same to you, they are the ones that made the list. we live once. we can't be "going through the motions" of friendship and i found that there were more people on that list than i expected. thats nice, don't you think? It's lucky. Its not that i'm disregarding those amazing little faces that pop up out of nowhere every now and then but these people, the ones that make my life what it is, are the ones i really love.

February is the month of clearing clutter, culling and calling. It should be detox months as well but I smashed that idea up into pieces over the last 2 days.

On another topic, i can't find my effing sunglasses. shits me right up the wall. they were on my noggin yesterday - how far can legless inanimate objects get to on their pat malone? pricks.